I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
