I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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