So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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