my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
