I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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