hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
