He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
