Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
