i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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