They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
