thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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