Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
