I can tuck mytits in my pants
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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