I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
