Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
