Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
