They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
