Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
