Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
