I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
