i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
