So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
