It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
