I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
