What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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