i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i now understand why vodka
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize