M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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