kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize