I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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