why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
