I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize