Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
