Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
