The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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