She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
