im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
