I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
