Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize