his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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