You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
