If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
