I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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