you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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