I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize