I'm lost and stupid without you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
