Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
