My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
