Do you still have your period?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
