My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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