I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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