You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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