I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
