So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
