Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
