You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
