I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's like heaven, but drunker
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
