She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
