nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
