Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
