I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
