I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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