im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
