She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
