I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
