i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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