i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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