My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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