I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How naked do you want me to be?
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