Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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