You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
