so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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