my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
