glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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