Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
