foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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