I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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