the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
