Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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