What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
