I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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