new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
