I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
