I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There r osticjed everywhere
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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