If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
be right there i have to get my cape
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
