I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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