Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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