why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
