dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
