Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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