i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
