a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
