The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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