I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
