Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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