Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think your dad took our porno
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
