You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
