we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize