Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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